it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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