i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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