"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
