I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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