There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
