i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
