You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
