just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
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I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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