If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
