Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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