you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
