Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Your dad touched me again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
