omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
