he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
