my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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