Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just found a bag of teeth...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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