Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My cat gives me a boner
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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