We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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