his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Randomize
