A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
