are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
