btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
