I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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