So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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