You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Quick, to the slutcave!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize