If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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