This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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