I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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