Jerry, you need to find god
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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