My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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