U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My brain says no but my pants say off.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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