I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
