So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
