ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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