Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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