I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
