After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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