Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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