A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
