You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
