Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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