I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
