Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
