Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
