I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
