I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
