The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
