I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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