I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
