Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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