still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
