Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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