had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
