just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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