I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
