A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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