Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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