I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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