Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
