I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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