If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
