Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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