Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
