I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
