just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
