Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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