Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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