god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
