I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
