It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
