She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
