So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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