you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
