I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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