theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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