please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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